My husband and I have an amazing, beautiful girl who is God’s blessing in our lives. Grace is a breastfed, unvaccinated, regularly chiropractically adjusted, healthy, happy, smiling, beautiful child. I am in awe of her presence and her grace already in her short life. I thank God everyday that she is my child and I am honored to be her mother. I need to say that in order to say this. Gulp. My heart is broken. I have failed myself, my child, my husband. I have physically harmed myself and my child by bringing her into this world on a medicated journey in the hospital. But, I want to heal. I want to reclaim what is my right - natural, beautiful birth. I need it, my daughter needs it, and my husband needs it. I’m hoping writing this birth story will help in my healing process. Grace’s birth was always planned to be natural. We do not use medications. Open our bathroom cabinet at our home and you won’t find any medicine. In fact, we don’t call it a medicine cabinet at our house because there’s nothing like that in it. We eat organic food. My husband is a chiropractor and we work in the office together. We are adjusted almost daily. Everyday we talk to people about the dangers of medication and masking symptoms with prescriptions. I have to say this in order to let you know how serious I am about not using drugs and living a healthy, natural lifestyle. That’s why it constantly catches me off guard and embarrasses me to say that Grace’s birth was medicated. I am fully aware of the danger I have exposed us both to during her birth. It’s eating me up inside. We wanted a homebirth before Grace was born, but we were not comfortable doing it ourselves at home and at the time we could not find any support to help us. It seemed that the hospital was the only option and not a good one. Every visit to the hospital put us on edge and we were happy when we could leave. Looking back now, I should have trusted my instincts about the hospital. The anxiety I felt about being there played a big part in my labor. We had a certified nurse midwife who was kind and open to our wishes during the pregnancy, but still we were in a place that we did not want to be. We avoided going in during labor for as long as the midwife would allow it and we left for home a few hours after the birth. But the damage is done. I have lasting scars - even if just internally. I have vivid memories of moments during labor of feeling like an outsider, an inconvenience, an oddball. It was in the moment of labor where I knew I couldn’t go on that I needed a midwife who was able to support my wishes and my birth plan. I needed someone to tell me that I could make it through one more contraction. That I was almost there (because I was almost there!). Instead, I had a midwife who didn’t say anything when I told her to give me anything to get this over. She just did it. I am angry about it. I take my responsibility though and I know that she has pressure from others around her at the hospital. It wasn’t until months after my daughter’s birth that I first heard about birth as an empowering experience for a woman. It was at that moment that I begun my journey of healing from my first birth experience. It was shortly thereafter that I first heard about South Dakota Safe Childbirth Options - another blessing in my life. As I search for the positives in my birth experience one of the most powerful is this - It has sent me on a mission to educate, motivate and inspire mothers and families to reclaim what was, is, and always will be theirs - safe, natural, supported childbirth.